Live In The Present Vs. Plan For The Future

 I bought these vintage salt and pepper shakers a few weeks ago with the intention of selling them. But then, I pictured them in my future kitchen. Now, I don't know what to do. I love them in theory and I love their retroness and their whimsy, I love their creepy/graceful necks and their cute faces. But I don't have a kitchen.

And is it silly to plan for a life I don't have? A kitchen I don't have, may never have? I mean, I do this already. I have a... let's call it a hope chest so I feel less crazy. It's a big rubbermaid container filled with mason jars and linens, juice glasses and tablecloths. It's my future - my wedding, my house. The problem is... these things are definitely (hopefully) in my future, but they're in THE FUTURE. And not really the foreseeable one. So am I crazy? Or is this normal? Or a bit of both?

This is a conversation that has come up many times in the past few weeks, so I'm willing to say, "Ok, universe, OK. You want me to ponder this for a while? FINE." My therapist and I were recently talking about living your life in the present. She said most women don't. They wait for that elusive tomorrow, that future that will undoubtedly be better and fuller. And I know I've done that, I know I do that. I've been listening a lot to this song and there's a line that hits me like a brick every time:

"I've been living for tomorrows all my life."

Then, a few days ago, Jon and Erica and I were having a conversation about why a young, single someone who was financially able would not want to buy a house. The main reason that Erica and I were proposing were that one might want to do that as a duo, i.e. with a spouse or life partner. Share the costs, share the responsibilities, share the time and effort spent on maintaining a house. Jon argued against this with, "What if you never get married?" I immediately jumped to defend my position and to point out that the odds were in favor of getting married one day. Later that night, though, that idea crept back into my head. What if I never get married? What if I never buy a house? What if I never do a whole bunch of things that I'm basically waiting for? How silly is that? I can't put my life on hold and wait for the future.

Another talk with my therapist resulted in a homework assignment.

Go on a road trip, she said.

These are the rules:

1. I have to spend at least one night away, 3-4 is preferable.

2. I have to go somewhere I've never been before.

3. I cannot plan where I will stay beforehand (gasp).

4. I can bring books, music, magazines, and/or a pet.

5. I can bring a cell phone but it is ONLY for emergencies. No checking in, no facebook, no blogging, no texts.

6. I have to eat out at a fancy restaurant at least one night. (Fancy implies I'd have to dress up a bit.)

7. I have to go alone. No one can meet me at any point on the trip.

This will be an amazing trip for me. I rarely do things alone. I rarely do things for myself only. I do things because they're expected or because they make those around me happy. And yes, of course, there's joy in making those around you happy, but I can't rely on others for my happiness. I have to make myself happy. So, this trip will be my path to living for today. Living for me.

The next step is to choose my destination. On to visit the old atlas!

I still don't know what to do about these guys.